You are cordially invited to a threesome.

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Or until I had to pee.

Friday was interesting. I met an old friend from highschool over dinner and drinks. See, we were good friends in highschool, and drifted apart because we went to different colleges in different towns. Anyways, now that we’re both back in our home town, we can see a lot more of each other.

I was excited to meet up with an old friend and catch up. I wanted to hear about everything I missed for the past four years. I wanted to share survival stories of the post grad world. Job hunt tips. Resume tips. Keeping your shit together while you’re busy looking like you’re keeping your shit together.

I dressed like I had my shit together. Jeans, a nice top, and a cute pair of boots I can’t afford.

We sat down after excited giggling and obligatory exchanges of “You look great!” I ordered a nice plate of pasta and a martini. The waiter informed me that the pasta might be a while. Sure, sure, I told him. I’m catching up with an old friend, we’ll be here a while!

As soon as we got our drinks, she started venting to me about her love life. She’s been dating the same guy for over 2 years, and get this–he went to our highschool. I couldn’t remember him for the life of me. I nodded sympathetically even though I had no idea who she was talking about.

Then she dropped the proverbial bomb.

Would you want to try a threesome with us?

It sounds weird out of context. Let me rephrase that. It was something like this — John’s birthday is coming up, and I want to do something really wild for him. I want to have a threesome. I don’t want to look for an anonymous stranger on Craigslist because that would be really awkward!

Before I could bring up STDs and other disastrous things that are worse than an “awkward experience” she dropped it on me. We looked through some of your Facebook pictures, and we think you look great. Oh, and since we both know you, I think that everyone would feel comfortable. Would you want to try a threesome with us?

They shopped for a threesome partner on Facebook. On my Facebook, to be exact. I felt violated and flattered. I was summoned to this dinner+drinks meeting for a very specific purpose. And now I have to wait for my food, which for some reason, takes a long time to make. Dammit.

But more importantly, Who the hell is John and how does he know me? My mind started racing. I imagine a 15-minute long pause while I scrambled for a response. It was really, really, awkward. More awkward that finding your threesome candidate on Craigslist.

I’m really flattered that you guys are interested in me. I don’t think that I can, though. You see, I’m seeing someone. Yes…that’s it. I’m seeing someone. And it’s getting serious. So, yeah, I don’t think that I’ll be able to participate. But thanks!

I’m not seeing anyone. I just couldn’t fathom seeing both of them naked. I just couldn’t. It was way too awkward.

Luckily for me, this opened up another can of worms: my love life. Fantastic. I told really detailed stories about my current mystery man. I recycled good stories from my previous relationships and created the ultimate imaginary boyfriend! She was impressed.

The rest of the evening went by smoothly. However, she followed up a few days later requesting we double date.

Shit.

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One thought on “You are cordially invited to a threesome.

  1. I feel, you handled it in a very mature way and respected her feelings.

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