Last week, I opened up the floor to talk about your relationship troubles. I will be using my experiences (and those of my friends) to answer your questions as thoroughly as I can.
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Here’s the first question I got. It’s from a 20 something girl in college.
I dated this guy last year for 4 months. He started avoiding me randomly and eventually broke up with me. We have a lot of mutual friends, so I see him around sometimes. He told my friend he has a girlfriend, but when we all met up for dinner he wouldn’t stop flirting with me. We all went back to his dorm to watch a movie and he kept touching my knee and tried to kiss me. He acts like he likes me, but he’s always hot and cold. I can’t help it, I always fall for him and end up chasing him, which turns him off and he starts ignoring me again. What do I do?
I hear this all the time. Hell, it’s even happened to me more than I care to count. This probably isn’t news to you, but your ex is bored and selfish. He knows that he has you in the palm of his hand, and he pushes your buttons to see how you’ll react. On the other hand, he also wants instant gratification. He wants it right here, right now.
I had a boyfriend like that–well, he was an ex at the time, and now he’s so far into the past it’s like it never happened.
Anyways, I was 17 and stupid. He called me to make last minute plans, interrupted busy days, and pretty much dangled a carrot in my face. He knew that I wasn’t over the breakup, so he played with me. He acted interested–it was the best feeling in the world at the time. Then, he turned it right off. I felt cold and confused. So, I tried harder. I wanted him to be interested in me again. This turned him off even more. Things got worse.
Eventually, he got a girlfriend and left me alone. I got new friends and started going out and enjoying life again. He tried to assert himself back into my life. I ignored him. He tried harder. He wanted to be relevant. I wasn’t over him, but I was damn good at acting like I was. It drove him crazy. He called me every day to talk or make plans. He harassed me through text. I answered 1 out of every 5 and pushed him further away. I wasn’t going to fall for his games anymore.
My advice to you is easier said than done. You need to distance yourself from him. I know that it sounds impossible right now, but this is the only way you’ll a) Get him to stop having control over you; and b) Enjoy yourself without worrying about him. He’s not going to change. If you’re not changing anything, he’s not going to start treating you better. He will play these games for as long as you let him. You need to do YOUR thing, and worry about YOURSELF.
Ignore his calls and texts. Stop making time for him. He’ll either try harder or bug off. You’ll realize that the tables will turn, and that YOU have control over the situation. Now, what you do with that power is up to you.
What do you think? Agree or disagree–sound off in the comments below. If you have any other advice, we’d love to hear it.