Livin’ The American Dream

I’m living the American Dream.

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This about sums it up

It all started last week when I decided to start packing my lunch. The idea seemed foolproof. I’ll save at least $200 a month by packing my own lunch!

It was great. I packed little sandwiches, salads, and fruit. I’ll eat healthier! This is great.

Then, it all took a turn for the worst. I packed soup. Red beet soup, made by my lovely Russian neighbour, to be exact. She’s such a sweet lady who secretly thinks I’m anorexic because I’m really slim.

After warming it up, I took my lunch over to my coworker’s office, as I did the day before and as I’ll do the day after. I carefully set it on her table as I prepared to sit down and stuff my face with food eat.

The clasp from my long necklace got wedged in the tupperware and as I sat down, flipped it over. The. Soup. Was. Everywhere. It was on my coworker’s notes. It was on my pants. It was on the carpet.

I was mortified. I thought she, the neurotic perfectionist that she is, was going to kill me. We wiped everything down and I ate the remaining 1/3 of my soup. It was actually quite good.

Luckily, I was wearing black pants that day, so you couldn’t really tell that I’m a moron covered in beet soup. I went to the bathroom, locked the door, took off my pants, and washed them. Then, I put them back on and went back to my office.

I spent the rest of my afternoon sitting in my office wearing no pants, while my pants were drying on the heater. That’s right, folks. You heard me. NO PANTS. I was wearing wool tights, however.

Nobody noticed. Nobody saw me. Nobody even walked by my office.

And at that point I realized, I’m living the American Dream. I seized the opportunity to work without the restriction of pants. And it was great.

Too scared to try it again. Not much of a gambler.

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7 thoughts on “Livin’ The American Dream

  1. That’s fantastic. Reading it, my mind went as follows:
    – good for you deciding to pack lunch
    – beet soup is a little tricky
    – knocking it over? priceless
    – where does she work? I want to work there

  2. OMG – awesome!! No pants work days! And the worst is knocking over your food onto a co-worker’s desk “/ But good for you for packing lunch and sticking to it!

  3. My friends and I dream of wearing leggings to work since “leggings aren’t pants”.

  4. Pretty amazing! And funny…obviously your friend hasn’t killed you yet lol

  5. Ha seems like well-intentioned ideas always backfire somehow. Good story!

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