Why women hate other women

Women tend not to like other women.

If you’re a woman, you know what I’m talking about. If you’re a dude who pays attention to how women interact with each other, be it on TV or watching your girlfriend and her friends, you know what I’m talking about.

But first, my obligatory ice-breaker:


Please don’t crucify me for posting a picture with the word “slut” which unfortunately, carries a meaning damaging to women. Also, please don’t crucify me for using the word “crucify.” Just putting that out there.

So why are women mean to other women? Seriously, have you ever wondered why a good friendship of yours went sour? Why did she start acting passive-aggressively towards you, and try to get back at you with backhanded compliments and turning people against you?

Guys, have you ever wondered why your girlfriend acts like she absolutely adores someone, only to turn around, roll her eyes, and say “Ugh, I HATE her. She’s such a bitch!”

Why do women do this? We’re all guilty of being vicious towards another woman at some point in our lives. Why do we waste our time and energy on pointless emotional warfare? What ever happened to “say what you mean and mean what you say” or “treat others the way you want to be treated?”

I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to decipher every message. I want to take things (somewhat) at face value, and not second-guess another woman’s compliment or intentions. I want to have solid girlfriends I can trust, and not be constantly walking on eggshells.

Here’s a really awesome article from the Huffington Post about why women tend to be mean to other women.

Here are some insightful bits from the article:

our looks are still up there on the checklist of our success as women. It is on our checklist in an arbitrary omnipresent way that we did not necessarily invite. Perhaps we once made it a priority. Perhaps others made it a priority and we correspondingly internalized it by default.


Looks do not define men like they still define women, even in the most serious platforms in the world. This is a beautiful but ugly remnant of a time when women were the trophies and property of men, when our entire worth was once based on appearance, pedigree, purity and child-bearing ability.

There’s so much more, but I won’t post all of it here. Read the article, it’s insightful, I promise.

Aside from women being valued for their appearance, I would also like to add that upbringing plays a major role in how women deal with confrontation. You see, girls are raised to be kind and non-confrontational. Sounds great in theory, but it’s actually fucked up. Instead of addressing conflict directly, girls (and later, women) act passive-aggressively towards the other person, hoping that person will notice and be hurt.

Guys, ever asked your girlfriend “what’s wrong?!” after an hour of her sulking before getting a real answer? Girls, ever sulked for an hour and refused to tell your man what’s wrong, hoping he would figure it out?

Yeah. Some of us don’t know how to deal with confrontation. We got punished by our parents and teachers for being confrontational, and generally, “not nice.” So we confront people the only way we know how, with emotional warfare.

The bottom line is that we engage in emotional warfare to have the upper hand when we feel powerless. We think that other women, whether they’re prettier, more successful, smarter or funnier than us, are taking that power away from us.

What do you think?


9 thoughts on “Why women hate other women

  1. OH MY GOODNESS I LOVE YOUR BLOG! Definitely following and cannot wait for updates!

    <3, Charlotte

    PS: I listed your blog under my page of "Blogs I Like", hope you're okay with that!

  2. Pingback: Mr. DeMille, I’m Ready for My Close-up [Goddammit, Not That Close] | Stressing Out College

  3. This makes a lot of sense!

  4. Well I’m in my thirties, just about every woman i’m around is in a relationship.. I’ve been with the same guy for 12 years now (35 yrs old).. and most of my life in Omaha, NE has been pretty sh*tty when it comes to women friends. I have a few acquaintances but I’ve had better friends in Kansas City, and Alaska. I have always been for the most part say what you mean, mean what you say type. Only met a handful of girls like that, sadly I didn’t move with them 😦 I wish you the best of luck, most people will tell you that women only look at other women as competition, and unfortunately that is mostly true for most insecure women, you can only bite your lip and suck it up and kiss some @ss and hopefully that is enough (most of them will still hate you for being nice lol. The sad reality is mostly because you have something they value and you use it in a way that matters to them.. for most stupid women this can translate to.. SHE THINKS SHE’S ALL THAT BECAUSE SHE CAN _____ (fill in the blank)!.. But deep down it’s mostly because you are intelligent, beautiful and if you are aware socially and if you happen to be intuitive they will hate you for breathing) and most people will tell you to dumb it down, act like you don’t know what’s going on, stop wearing makeup and gain 30 lbs and it helps if you hate yourself and your life, but seriously?! Our reality is what we make it, I had to chose to be the dragon lady and get on with my life, lose the haters, they will either see your potential and value your acquaintance eventually, see someone they can love or they can get the hell out of the way.. life is too short, I’m not going to compromise my values and integrity for social acceptance of women who don’t deserve my attention. Moving on, my choice is a lonely one and I’m still fighting to keep my heart open and love people who allow me to love them, but we live in a dark age.. and beauty today is what fertility was in the victorian era.. it’s the result of a patrochial society and standards, in time you may find you yourself mitigate these views inwardly, it’s just the way of the world. Just be exceptional and enjoy life and try to pity the people who, instead of leading a meaningful life with intention, decided to waste it trying to tear you down. People only get power over you when you allow it.

  5. Pingback: twentysomethinganecdotes | I am not your competition

  6. I love this article! I’m not the stereotypical 20 year old woman. I’m too nice & friendly, and I don’t get jealous. I think I’m a guy inside, because their straightforward logic makes complete sense to me. I could care less whether or not I’m the prettiest girl in the room… But I usually am. Most women of all ages and backgrounds hate me on sight, & it hurts. Well, not so much anymore because I’m learning not to give a F*ck. I have sex appeal that I flaunt in a classy manner. Women assume I’m stuck up & enjoy mistreating me, so to protect myself, I don’t open up to many people. Self- fulfilling prophesy I guess haha. I don’t care, because the few friends I do have are genuine. It feels good to know that other women out there relate to my experiences.

    • Shut the fuck up u stupid cunt.. Talking about how u don’t give a fuck about how others perceive u, but yet you automatically assume ur the best looking one in any social situation. It’s fucking bitches like you that make me really hate women in thier 20s.. Fuck off stupid slut..

      • Your response is 100% perpetuating the problem (and about a billion other problems. Language like “stupid cunt” “fucking bitches” and “stupid slut” is incredibly hurtful and detrimental to our progress as females.)

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