Too much information, really.

I’m fully convinced Sacha Baron Cohen is shooting Borat 2 at my work. And this time, he’s dressed as a woman, in drag.

Image

Kind of like this but with less hair and actually wearing clothes.

Allow me to explain.

There’s a woman at my work that loves to chat. For no reason in particular, I will refer to her as the Chatterbox.

She regularly puts on a pot of coffee and invites everyone to the break room. Sometimes, she senses your presence in the break room (getting an innocent glass of water, or what have you) and corners you, making it impossible to escape.

I’m a really polite human being. I humour her and listen for a bit before dashing off. See, the Chatterbox isn’t having a conversation with you. The Chatterbox is actually having a monologue. And you’re her audience.

Cool, cool. Sometimes I have days where I don’t care to chat. Sometimes I’m totally cool with just listening (or not…heh heh). The thing is, she goes way overboard with the information she shares. For example, today I learned that she and her husband of 9 years, haven’t had sex in months. And I also learned that she bought a leather outfit from Seductions and that he couldn’t keep it up, and she was offended. And they had anal sex once and she had anal tearing which was very painful! AND I ALSO LEARNED that she pooped on both of her children whilst giving birth.

Why the fuck do I need to know all of this? Jesus.

I kept a completely straight face and nodded empathetically. Or at least, I tried to. I don’t know. My Nordic roots make it difficult for me to look empathetic.

And then it hit me. I’m on fucking Borat. I casually looked around the room. So where are the cameras? Surely, this woman isn’t telling me these gross personal details because she thinks I want to know them. Surely, this woman is really a troll of a man who is just messing with me and recording my reactions on a hidden camera somewhere.

Yes, yes. That’s it. Borat 2 is about the politeness and patience of Canadians, and I’m the star.

On that note, I actually don’t find Sacha Baron Cohen very funny.

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