Here they are, in no particular order. Feel free to add some more in the comments section below.
- What do you do? Nothing, shithead. I lay on the couch at home all day, agonizing about how the world just doesn’t know how wonderful I am…yet.
- Why don’t you have a boyfriend/girlfriend? Yes. Wait, do they have to know about it? Because then no. Or maybe yes.
- Why did you study that? That’s such a useless major. Because my plan was to be perpetually unemployed upon graduating thousands of dollars in the hole.
- So when are you going to get a boyfriend/girlfriend? Fuck you, I am perfectly content with cats.
- What are you going to do after graduation? Cry myself to sleep, because I’ll be forced to enter the real world with like responsibilities and shit.
- When are you two getting married? If you’re under the age of 25, look at them as if they’re insane. In, fucking, sane.
- Why don’t you want kids? Because kids are a walking, noisy little calendar! That’s why! The expiry date on my passport (ahem, every five years) is enough to remind me that time is slipping through my hands.
- How are you? Goddammit, this is not even a real question! They don’t mean it! It’s a goddamn greeting!
And last but not least…what are your plans for the future? This question alone, is enough to send even the most confident twentysomething into a panic.