Undateable Lawyers

eHarmony came out with a list called 15 Reasons to Date a Lawyer.

People are up in arms about it. Non-lawyers are probably offended and disgusted by their golddigging peers who go gaga for jurisprudence. Lawyers are probably thrilled that they have (kinda) become dateable again. Thrilled, I say.

A lot of lawyers are pigeon-holed into the lawyer stereotype. Argumentative, cynical, and very rich. That, coupled with their crazy working hours makes it incredibly difficult for them to meet quality people. Female lawyers are at even more a disadvantage, because other men tend to find them intimidating. I feel you, girls. It’s tough being smart, successful, and confident. I certainly would know a lot about that.

Cue modesty.

Anyways, the list is pretty silly–I mean, are free notepads really a perk of dating a lawyer? Are we having a world shortage of notepads? Other reasons are on point. Going to boring-ass lawyerly events for the free food and open bar is a perk.

hardrockinhomemaker wrote a hilarious article responding to eHarmony’s list.  Here are my favourite bits:

eHarmony says: “Lawyers know how to present themselves well – and up the charm. Your date will likely make a great impression with your friends and colleagues.”

HRH retorts: Lawyers know how to present themselves well to other lawyers.  Everyone else is wondering how to escape the conversation as quickly as possible.  Fixed it!

eHarmony says: “Lawyers are often invited to interesting social events. Most of them include an open bar.”

HRH retorts: No one can tolerate lawyers except for other lawyers (and even for them, it’s just barely), so they all try to drink away their misery together.  Fixed it!

eHarmony says: “Like to debate? Your date is always up for that type of challenge.”

HRH retorts: Your date is going to nitpick and ride your ass – and the waiter’s ass, and your friends’ collective asses, and grandma’s ass – about trivial matters about which he is convinced he is correct, i.e., everything. Fixed it!

I found all of this utterly hilarious because  I’m kinda, sorta seeing a lawyer and I’m passive-aggressive like that. I will admire him in person, and then go home and Google “lawyers suck” and “why is dating a lawyer so difficult?” See HRH’s point about your date riding your ass, the waiter’s ass, your friend’s collective asses, and your grandma’s ass about anything and everything.

If you’re a lawyer reading this, please cut that shit out. Lighten up. This is a date, not a deposition. Or, date another lawyer. I dunno. Take ’em out of the dating pool.

Ta.

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