I am not your competition

One of my most popular posts is on why women hate other women. Okay, ‘hate’ is a strong word–it’s really about why some women tend to not get along with some other women.

I’m not saying that all women are mean and competitive. I’m not saying that at all. I’m a feminist and I love my sisters. What I am saying, however, is that some women are like this.

I used to be a competitive bitch. I had my little clique of girlfriends, and we were those bitches that showed up at a party acting better than everyone else. We were invited to everything. We vaguely committed to plans and then ended up doing whatever we wanted in the end. The three of us were really close–like intimate-relationship-minus-the-sex (sorry to disappoint you) close. We saw other girls as competition–and made sure we were the centre of attention everywhere we went.

Yeah. That was a long time ago. I’m not 16 anymore, and I’m not a competitive bitch. I’m just a regular bitch 😉

As I grow older–yes, I realize mid-twenties is hardly old–I realize my female peers aren’t as competitive as they used to be. Women are a bit more cooperative with one another. They’re not best friends with everyone–but at the very least, they’re polite and respectful. I’m referring to women who have matured by the way, not the drama queens who never grew out of their highschool days.

So why are we less likely to be absolute bitches to one another as we age? Is it because everyone already has a partner and therefore, nothing to compete over? I don’t think so. People are getting married and settling down later in life–at least in their late twenties. Could it be maturity? Could it be due to a collective fear of aging and being less relevant? Are we humble now because we’re all worried we’ve “lost” it?

My theory is that we gain more independence as we get older and more comfortable in our skin. That’s what happened in my case. My teen years were a bit awkward. Sure, I was popular and well-liked, but I wasn’t comfortable with who I was. I wasn’t confident–I was unsure of almost everything I did. I constantly needed approval from my peers. When my friends decided they didn’t like some girl(s)–for whatever reason–you bet your ass I didn’t like her/them too. I never bullied anyone or anything–no–I just decided I didn’t like that person as well, and tried my best to be unfriendly. And being unfriendly comes naturally to me, considering I have chronic bitch face.

As for me now, I’m more worried about other women’s safety than I am about competing with them. Living in the city has taught me the trials and tribulations of being a woman in 2014. There are a bunch of weirdos and perverts out there. There are assholes as well. I try to be neither of those things (pervert or asshole, being a weirdo is ok).

We have to look out for one another. It’s difficult enough as it is.

If I could offer some advice to my 16-year old self and to anyone reading this blog, I would say something along the lines of: “Ditch your clique. Ditch your insecurities. Be your own person and pursue independence. You’ll care less about competing with others because you won’t need to–you’ll be competing with your old self.”

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2 thoughts on “I am not your competition

  1. I really love this, even though I was definitely on the opposite end of spectrum in high school–not popular, very quiet, a bit of a late bloomer (I’ve always been someone with a few, very close friends). But being on sports teams, starting at a young age, the cattiness kicked in early, which is to say that I’ve dealt with my fair share of “mean girls,” through the years. I put a lot of distance between myself and those girls because I didn’t want to deal with it. So, in that way, I was pretty competitive, as well.

    I also suffer from resting bitch face, which I think has caused a lot of girls to just assume that I’m judging and/or don’t like them. This is the rarely the case. The reality is that it would be SO much easier if we all just got along. Part of the reason why I’ve always had only a few close friend is because I can’t deal with the cliques and I honestly don’t really see the point in conversing with people who are just being fake. But I have noticed that some women are starting to “grow up.” Not ALL of them, like you said, but I think getting out in the real world strips many a girl of their mean-girl super powers (maturity?).

    We’re all in the same boat, trying to figure our shit out. And wouldn’t it be great if we all had a few extra friends in our corners?

    (I have no idea if anything I said makes sense haha it’s been a long day! But basically, I love this and completely agree with the advice to your 16-year-old self).

    • Preach!! Peach it, sister! Down with the cliques. I don’t understand how grown women can cling to their cliques well past high school. How boring. I don’t care to be friends with people who are fake or catty. This why I no longer have a “group” of friends, but friends from different walks of life instead. I’m happy having individual relationships with people I love and appreciate, than to worry about “saving face” and getting along with a group. Talk about avoiding mob mentality. Phew.

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