I am not your competition

One of my most popular posts is on why women hate other women. Okay, ‘hate’ is a strong word–it’s really about why some women tend to not get along with some other women.

I’m not saying that all women are mean and competitive. I’m not saying that at all. I’m a feminist and I love my sisters. What I am saying, however, is that some women are like this.

I used to be a competitive bitch. I had my little clique of girlfriends, and we were those bitches that showed up at a party acting better than everyone else. We were invited to everything. We vaguely committed to plans and then ended up doing whatever we wanted in the end. The three of us were really close–like intimate-relationship-minus-the-sex (sorry to disappoint you) close. We saw other girls as competition–and made sure we were the centre of attention everywhere we went.

Yeah. That was a long time ago. I’m not 16 anymore, and I’m not a competitive bitch. I’m just a regular bitch 😉

As I grow older–yes, I realize mid-twenties is hardly old–I realize my female peers aren’t as competitive as they used to be. Women are a bit more cooperative with one another. They’re not best friends with everyone–but at the very least, they’re polite and respectful. I’m referring to women who have matured by the way, not the drama queens who never grew out of their highschool days.

So why are we less likely to be absolute bitches to one another as we age? Is it because everyone already has a partner and therefore, nothing to compete over? I don’t think so. People are getting married and settling down later in life–at least in their late twenties. Could it be maturity? Could it be due to a collective fear of aging and being less relevant? Are we humble now because we’re all worried we’ve “lost” it?

My theory is that we gain more independence as we get older and more comfortable in our skin. That’s what happened in my case. My teen years were a bit awkward. Sure, I was popular and well-liked, but I wasn’t comfortable with who I was. I wasn’t confident–I was unsure of almost everything I did. I constantly needed approval from my peers. When my friends decided they didn’t like some girl(s)–for whatever reason–you bet your ass I didn’t like her/them too. I never bullied anyone or anything–no–I just decided I didn’t like that person as well, and tried my best to be unfriendly. And being unfriendly comes naturally to me, considering I have chronic bitch face.

As for me now, I’m more worried about other women’s safety than I am about competing with them. Living in the city has taught me the trials and tribulations of being a woman in 2014. There are a bunch of weirdos and perverts out there. There are assholes as well. I try to be neither of those things (pervert or asshole, being a weirdo is ok).

We have to look out for one another. It’s difficult enough as it is.

If I could offer some advice to my 16-year old self and to anyone reading this blog, I would say something along the lines of: “Ditch your clique. Ditch your insecurities. Be your own person and pursue independence. You’ll care less about competing with others because you won’t need to–you’ll be competing with your old self.”